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DEAR ABBY: I have allergies to various scents such as perfume, cologne, and laundry detergent, which cause an immediate reaction, resulting in my sinuses and lungs burning and provoking coughs. A friend of my husband uses a fragrance that is akin to the smell of cleansing powder and lingers in our home for over a week after his visits. Despite avoiding him and staying in other areas of our house with the doors closed, I still experience allergic reactions, including nosebleeds.
My husband refuses to address this with his friend as he doesn’t want to come off as rude or make him feel unwelcome. This leaves me unable to venture near the furniture where the friend sat for a good week. I understand the need not to offend, but I also believe that my comfort and health in my own home should not be compromised. I am seeking your advice on how to tell this friend that his fragrance is causing me health distress without appearing rude. – SUFFERING IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SUFFERING: It is not impolite to inform someone about an allergy problem that has been kept hidden for fear of being perceived as disrespectful. I suggest that you call this friend before his next planned visit and explain that his apparent product choice triggers your allergies resulting in nosebleeds. Request him kindly not to wear that particular product while visiting your home.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter seems to have become a different person after getting married, having children, and leaving home. She doesn’t treat my wife with the same respect that she used to. My wife isn’t allowed the same privileges with our grandchildren as others are. This has left my wife feeling left out and saddened, and in turn, I am upset.
We simply want to enjoy our role as grandparents, but the rejection is hard to bear. I have contemplated cutting ties with our daughter and moving on. What can we do to navigate this situation? – FRUSTRATED GRANDPARENTS
DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your daughter might be worried that her children will grow more fond of your wife than her. Try to understand this from her perspective. Consider asking your daughter if she’d be open to family counseling, however, prepare yourself if she declines this suggestion. If that’s her stance, then finding other ways for your wife to be involved with children, such as volunteering with programs like Foster Grandparents, could satisfy her wish to be around children.
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